Lunch Surprises
by Pathetic Rainbow
Summary: Ruka never expected this. He swears, he didn't expect this...at all. Crack!fic. Oneshot. :D


**Warning: If you love Ruka Nogi so much, then this is not the fic for you. Nah. Just kidding. Don't hate on me for putting him into a crack! fic, though. He is just absolutely teasing.**

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Ruka Nogi almost dropped his cell phone. "No, Mother! Don't, uhh- there's a virus spreading in the school right now! I'll just meet you up outside!"

"And risk that virus spreading to the rest of Tokyo? Oh, honey! I'm just outside the door of the lobby! In fact, I'm coming in right–"

Ruka was sure that he dropped his cell phone this time. The reason why? He was _in_ the lobby.

"Oh! There you are, _Bunny_! How efficient of you!" The elderly blonde woman put her free hand on her heart for emphasis. "Still the same good boy I raised, I see. It's nice to know that you're not doing drugs and the other stuff that your best friend does–" A low cough interrupted her. "Oh! Natsume! Looks like you've grown up, too! When was the last time I saw you again? When you were six and you were naked in the pool?"

Natsume skeptically raised a brow at her and moved next to Ruka. "What's the old lady that you call your mother doing here?" He whispered.

"She said I forgot my lunch at home. I told her not to bother but, –tada– here she is."

"Tell her to get lost already. You're not the only one getting embarrassed. That old lady knows me, Ruka. _She knows me_. God knows what else she might spill from that aging mouth of hers."

Offended at his friend's words, Ruka hit Natsume's rib with his elbow. "She's my mother, Natsume!" He hissed. "She helped you a lot of times!"

"And I'm grateful," Natsume spat back. "But she's not helping at all right now."

"Anyways!" Ruka's mother cut in. "_Bunny_, you forgot your lunch at home this morning! Here," she handed him a pink lunchbox with floral patterns. "I repacked it so that it's hot when you eat it! I made some Pesto Cavatappi and then there's a thermos of lemonade, your favorite, right?"

"_Right_." Natsume answered for the blonde who was staring at the pink lunchbox like it was some sort of foreign object that has fallen out of the sky,

"Since he seems to be in some sort of trance, could you tell Ruka that he has to come home early today, Natsume?"

"Why? What's the event?"

"He didn't tell you? He has ballet daily. But today, his teacher said he has to be one hour earlier than usual!" The older Nogi clasped her hands together and her eyes started to twinkle. "Imagine, Natsume! For their recital, he's going to play Odette in Swan Lake!"

"What's that?"

"Swan Lake? It's a ballet by Tchaikovsky! Odette is the main character that's cursed– Odette turns into a swan when after dawn and becomes human at sunset. The prince–"

"Wait, I think I know this. Aoi watches a Barbie film about that…" Realization struck to him, "Isn't Odette a girl?"

"Yes. Ruka's going to play as Odette because all of the girls in his class are terrible ballerinas. And besides, it's not as if Ruka can't play a girl's part." She replied proudly, putting both of her hands on her hips. "Oh dear, is my dear still breathing?"

Natsume didn't respond. Instead, he remembered the time when they were in grade school, when Ruka played as Snow White in their play… and that _his_ Mikan played the role of the prince. Natsume unconsciously clenched his fists at the thought.

"Yes, Mother. I'm fine." Ruka said.

"Are you sure? Maybe you're just being lightheaded because you haven't eaten yet…"

"Natsume-kun! Ruka-pyon!" A brunette loudly said as she waved her hands from afar.

"_Oh shit_." The two boys thought.

"Ne, Natsume-kun! I was looking for you everywhere!" Mikan ran towards them and panted. "Who-Who's this?"

"You are so pretty!" Ruka's mother spun around to face her. "What's your name, dear?"

Mikan blinked her big olive eyes in surprise. She glanced at Natsume for approval, to which she got only a sigh and a hand through Natsume's raven hair.

Mikan sighed and slumped her shoulders a bit. "Mikan."

"Oh, Mikan! Are you Ruka's girlfriend?" Ruka's mother's eyes started to shine even brighter. "Oh! Mikan Nogi! What a wonderful name that would be, don't you think so, Natsume?" She turned to the raven-haired teen who seemed murderous, ready to jump at the older woman.

"N-N-Nani?!" Mikan blurted out loudly, making Ruka snap out of his little reverie to join in on the questioning of his mother's sanity. "O-Okaa-san! What are you saying?"

"What? I was just asking the pretty lady if she was your girlfriend. You two look close, after all! In fact, instead of calling me Nogi-san, why don't you just call me Okaa-san, too?" She took Mikan's hands and held them excitedly. "I can picture it already, you in a beautiful gown and _Bunny_ in a tuxedo! Oh, how wonderful it would–"

"Okaa-san! Sakura-san is not my girlfriend!"

"Oh? Then are you gay, _Bunny_? Because if you are, it's still perfectly fine with me!" The older woman babbled. "But of course, I'd have to approve of who'd be your boyfriend… but if it's Natsume over here, I definitely approve already!" She let go of Mikan's hands and went to hug Natsume from behind. "Oh, I think I have a picture of you two hugging back then when you were still small…" She continued, swaying Natsume while in her grasp. Natsume glared at Ruka who looked completely mortified.

"Okaa-san, I already have a girlfriend!" The exasperated Ruka shouted.

"Oh." She let go of Natsume. "How come you haven't introduced her yet?"

"I did. She came over last Sunday."

"Imai-san was your girlfriend?" She looked shocked. "You didn't tell me!"

Ruka put his hand on his forehead as he shook his head disappointedly. "I did." Ruka was aware of the gathering crowd around them, which was mostly composed of Natsume's and his fan girls. "Okaa-san, can you please –just, _please_– leave now?"

"Aha! Of course! Oh, don't forget, you have ballet at five! Pick up your tutu and leotards at the laundry shop before you go to Narumi-sensei's ballet studio, _Bunny_!" And with that, she planted a big, fat, and wet kiss on Ruka's cheek.

She turned around and the crowd made an aisle for her to pass through. After she exited the doors, everyone –_everyone except Natsume, Mikan, and the mortified Ruka_– burst into fits of laughter. The still laughing crowd began to disperse after the warning bell rang.

Natsume sighed again. "You owe me, Ruka, for not killing your mother at that moment." And Natsume left, dragging along the stone Mikan with him.

Now alone –with the exception of one person, who was sitting on one of the chairs, who didn't seem to mind at all about what occurred a while ago and instead kept his eyes on the newspaper– Ruka felt his knees weaken and give in. He had just been embarrassed in front of a lot of his schoolmates. But he decided to play optimistic. He was happy that his girlfriend, Hotaru, wasn't there to witness his public humiliation. He was glad that she wouldn't be blackmailing him this time. And most of all, he was glad that her opinion of him wouldn't change.

…well at least, so he thought.

The other person in the room stood from the chairs and removed the hat and coat _she_ was wearing. "Well isn't this just rich? Or maybe I'm the one who's going to be rich?"

Ruka's eyes lit up. After all, he would know whom did that stoic voice belong to…

His one and only girlfriend, Hotaru Imai.

"Ho-Hotaru!"

"Thank you, Nogi. You have just made me a future billionaire. It's a pleasure doing business with you… _again_."

"Shut up, Imai." Ruka said with an exasperated facial expression to his girlfriend.

Hotaru merely grinned delightfully. "You too, _Bunny_."

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Don't you worry, I am also confused. I'm posting this for the third time! Thanks to chibbikim15, Chiby Angel-chan, VETTI'S DOLL, ariadne-chan, NonsenseScribbler, Vectorbliss, RavenHimeSama, acrianz, Unrequited Love 143, Atrilial and DreamingReverie who reviewed the past post(s) of this.

Feel free to criticize me in any way.


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